In 1996 Hillary Clinton published It Takes a Village and Other Lessons Children Teach Us. Its first paragraph said:
“All of us, whether we acknowledge it or not, are responsible for deciding whether our children are raised in a nation that doesn’t just espouse family values, but values families and children.
That book stated an important fact that we often ignore: No matter how hard we work as parents, we need help from our “village,” from people who want to help us and our children,
Long before she wrote that book, I visited Israel, a country that constantly applies her principle. Family values are a major reason that the Jews have survived thousands of years of persecution and become so successful.
They don’t apply it only to their own family. They apply it every day to all the children in their “village,” even when it’s a huge city, their country, or the entire world.
I observed this principle on a visit in 1969. My daughter was about three years old. When we went to playgrounds, I saw that the mothers cared for all the children, including my American daughter. And it wasn’t just the mothers – many older children protected the younger ones.
If a child was about to get hurt by walking in front of the swings, a mother or older child would gently lead him away. If two children were ready to fight, someone would quickly and tactfully break it up.
Every time I visited Israel or was with people raised there, I saw that they protected others. They taught their children and their neighbors’ children to take care of anyone who needed help, including elderly and handicapped people.
When I had become an old man, I received some unexpected help. I struggled onto the train from the airport to Jerusalem with a huge, wheeled suitcase and a smaller carry-on case. As I was leaving the train, a man with a toddler on his back tried to help me with the big suitcase. While I was politely saying I didn’t need help, a woman moved it from the train to the platform!
My daughter taught family values to her children. Her oldest always protected her little brother. Now she is a pediatrician, taking care of small children. She sent me a video of these values being passed on to the next generation: Her three-year-old son was singing to his baby brother.
When my son’s oldest child was about 12, he would walk to a nearby playground, sit on a bench, and protectively watch his younger siblings and all the young neighbors.
When my children were approaching adolescence, a friend had terrible problems with his teenaged daughter. He said, “Al, enjoy your children while you can. When they become teenagers, they will try your soul.”
I almost believed him. At that age, I had certainly tried my parents’ souls. I was an obnoxious know-it-all.
As a graduate student at Berkeley in the 1960s, I saw thousands of obnoxious know-it-all adolescents. They were even worse than I had been. Berkeley was the epicenter of the ‘60s movement.
Many students hated America and our entire way of life. They didn’t just criticize America; they wanted to destroy it. Their lifestyles were very destructive. They drank heavily, used LSD and other dangerous drugs, and were sexually promiscuous.
When my children became teenagers, I naturally worried that they would become as obnoxious, close-minded, and aggressive as I had been. I was especially afraid of the Big Three: alcohol, drugs, and pregnancy. I was surprised and delighted that I had no reason to worry. The Jewish “village” protected them. They were constantly told how to think and act, and it worked.
The Jews aren’t a village in the usual sense. They’re not a small group of people who live near each other, meet frequently, and personally know each other’s children.
Their “village” covers the entire world. They are connected, not by blood relations or personal ties, but by a shared value system. They help every child to develop those values and become a good citizen.
Of course, Jews aren’t the only ones who create supportive “villages.” Many Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, Buddhist, and other groups provide the same sort of support and protection, and they get similar results.
Members of all these villages are good citizens: They study hard and earn great grades and graduate degrees. Hardly any of them drink excessively, do drugs, or commit crimes.
Today’s crisis in Ukraine illustrates both the value and the need for the village principle. Natan Sharansky, an Israeli politician, recently made a short speech.
“When I was growing up in Ukraine, there were many nations and nationalities. There were those with identity papers that read ‘Russian,’ ‘Ukrainian,’ ‘Georgian,’ or ‘Kozak.’ This was not so important since there was not much difference between them. The single designation that stood out was ‘Jew.’ If that was written as your identity, it was as if you had a disease.
“We knew nothing about Judaism. There was nothing significant about our Jewish identity other than the anti-Semitism, hatred, and discriminatory treatment we experienced because of it…
“This week, I was reminded of those days when I saw thousands of people standing at the borders of Ukraine trying to escape. They are standing there day and night, and there is only one word that can help them get out: ‘Jew.’
“If you are a Jew, there are Jews outside who care about and are waiting for you. There is someone on the other side of the border who is searching for you. Your chances of leaving are excellent.
“The world has changed. When I was a child, ‘Jew’ was an unfortunate designation. No one envied us. But today on the Ukrainian border, identifying as a Jew is a most fortunate circumstance. It describes those who have a place to go, where their family, an entire nation, is waiting for them on the other side.”
If you’re Ukrainian, but not Jewish, you need a Jewish husband. My friend, Darren Heyman, is a Jew, and he’s married to a gentile Ukrainian woman. He recently flew to Vienna, rented a car, and drove to Slovakia to get his wife’s mother and sister. The mother flew to Las Vegas because she has a green card. Darren and the sister flew to Mexico City and Tijuana. Then they went to the US border and requested asylum for her. She is now being processed, and we expect that she will soon join us in Las Vegas.
If the story ended here, it wouldn’t belong in this essay. It’s nice that a man takes care of his wife’s family, but good men have always done that. Darren is applying the village principle to other Ukrainians of all religions.
He’s an immigration attorney, and he has started a non-profit called Ukraine to US Refugee Assistance. Its corporate charter has been approved, but it will take time to get its 501(c)(3) status. Once that status is approved, donations will be tax-deductible. Since refugees need help now, his friend, Dr. Nicholas Colon, has created a GoFundMe account for the Ukraine to US Refugee Fund.
It will help Ukrainians of all ages and religions who are trying to make it to the US and request asylum. It will give guidance to Ukrainian refugees about how to file for refugee or asylum status in the US, and once here it will help them find housing, and help with their initial expenses for food, education, legal, and medical services.
Hillary ended her book with these words:
“Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes children to raise up a village to become all it should be. The village we build with them in mind will be a better place for us all.”
Too many Americans don’t want to build that kind of village. Instead of working together for our common welfare, we fight constantly about our differences. Instead of listening and trying to understand each other, we’re shouting at each other, suppressing dissent, and calling each other names. We insist that our values are the only correct ones, and that all others are not just wrong; they are so evil that they must not even be discussed.
To create a better America, and to protect us all from Putin and other aggressors, we must stop fighting and work together to create a “village” that cherishes and protects all our children and all the other helpless people.
Darren has a fascinating story, with pictures and videos, of his trip to rescue his wife’s family. It doesn’t fit here, but it will appear in a future blog. If you would like to receive it or any of my blogs, please tell us how to contact you.
